# Throwback ... And so, the woman who gave birth to my siblings and I, wife of my father got her wish. For a long time now, she's been the Guardian of the Fridge and Pantry. Every step I took in the kitchen and my food portions were captured by her CCTV eyes. My 'good morning mommy' was met with a stare that went to my mid section, then a 'good morning, you need to start fasting,' what for, I knew not. When I could no longer take the treatment, I dragged myself and my wobbly bits to the gym. Dorris Wedding prom party apparels look gorgeous

First day at the gym, the air was charged with adrenaline and so much testosterone: sweaty, hot, male scent. I felt out of place but I couldn't help but notice the different characters at gym.

1. Self appointed trainers: these ones make it hard to differentiate between the main trainer and the busybodies. Workout mba, mind your business nko mba. Jumping from on member to another, either keeping counts for them or holding the dumbells but you will never see them workout.

2. The oglers: these only paid to watch bouncing boobies or shaky bumbum fat. They are easy to spot because they remain in one routine for hours, it affords them opportunity to get lost in lookery.

3. The moaners: these ones believe that moaning during workout is a sign of doing it right. Hello, we know you moan really good, could you please save that for za oza room? Thank you.

4. The lone rangers: these ones do their thing themselves, talk to no one, don't even listen to the instructor. When instructor says 20 lunges they do 50, all by themselves until they miss a step and fall hard on the ground, then fellow members hide their faces to laugh. I don't laugh sha.

5. Couple goal setters: you get to the gym and find one of the partners standing aimlessly outiside and wonder if the gym isn't open. Few minutes while you're crying on the treadmill, they walk in together and you know. They train together, in short the gym revolves around them. If you see one of them looking like they ate something sour, know that the other one found a hotter partner.

6. The toasters: These ones give compliments then chip in unsolicited opinions. They make it their business to know why you want to burn your hips. Can you please excuse me while I blame my mom for them?

7. The dare devils: these ones have no limits, piling weights on weights to do leg lifts or train their calves or dead weight reps. They even bet money, dare themselves and show off, some end up with torn muscles. These ones, I feel no pity for.

8. The Germophobes: these ones do not want to be caught dead lying in another's sweat, so they bring their own towels and dumbbells to the gym, they wipe every surface. I even wonder why they didn't bring their own larger equipments along. It gets to a point where they refuse some routines just so they don't make that contact, therefore they sit in a corner with utmost care and just observe the different characters at play.

PS: I fall under the group of daredevils.